How I Dealt with Deployments & Long Distance

Time I've spent without you by my side:

1, 215 Days 

39.4 Months

3 years + 3.4 months

30 Missed Holidays or Special Occasions

One of several goodbye airport pictures.

When I say we've been apart most of our relationship...I wasn't lying.

I feel like I've dealt with long distance for a good chunk of my life. I had a boyfriend my junior year that lived 4 hours away--ha! We only lasted a year but it was still hard. However, that seems like nothing compared to what we've been through. My whole relationship with Jaime could be a Skype commercial! Unfortunately, we've had more days as a couple apart than together. (But we're changing that this year! Eek!)

I've had so many people tell me how strong I am for going through deployments and the long distance. Those compliments are always so hard to answer. My first thought is to be like " Yeah I know, I'm a champ. *brushes shoulders off*"  Then my second thought & usually my answer is 

"Thanks, but you would do it for the one you loved too."

I know I don't have to torture myself with the long distance. But it's a small price to pay for getting to spend the rest of my life with Jaime. He's not perfect. He's not what my family probably had in mind for me when they first met him. He wasn't raised like me. He had a rough past. He smoked when we first started dating. He had two earrings. He wore baggy clothes. He was in the marching band. He had an old '80 Chevy Cheyenne that was a poop color brown and tan--which I grew to love.

But once you got to know him....ah! You realized what a special person he was to have in your life.

He has the sweetest and biggest heart for all kinds of people. He always sees the good in everyone. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. He's a stud and he doesn't even know it. He has the biggest, cutest smile. He includes everyone. He wants to get to know everyone I care about. He loves my family as much as he loves his. He wants to be there for everyone. He wants to give everything he has to everyone (Literally, he gave lots of my cleaning supplies to a family in need the other day). If he can help, he does.

I could go on & on. But do you see why waiting for him was essentially easy? No, I didn't get through it without crying so hard I couldn't breath or my heart feeling like it was being ripped out of me, or the countless moments I wished Jaime was right there beside me. It hurts so bad. It's hard to see happy couples all around you. You feel empty. You miss all the little things that they do.

But it is possible to get through it! Sometimes you struggle but you grow stronger from it! And we have! If it wasn't for the military, the deployments, and the long distance--I do not think we be as solid of a couple as we are now. We didn't get through it alone though! We had help!

1. God- Without God, I honestly don't know how I would have kept it together that long. God got me through those dark times. When I just wanted to stay in my bed with the lights off and just Netflix binge or sleep. At one point, I just didn't want to be around anyone. It was through reading God's Word and the Holy Spirit that I was reminded "You have a life to live." As a Christian, my life should be about praising Jesus and letting the world in on the beautiful gift of Salvation that I have. I shouldn't be in my room like a hermit. I want to be a light in this dark world. Just as God was my light in those dark times.
2. Family- Sometimes I needed encouragement or to get away. My parents would keep me busy at home or on the farm. Inviting me to go out to eat with them or hang out with them watching TV. My cousin Tiffany would invite me come stay at her house or go shopping with her. She even took me to Nashville for a night to shoot my boudoir session in a cool hotel. My younger cousins Alexis and Megan would plan dinner dates, sleepovers, or come hang out at the pool with me. My brothers always kept me smiling! We had brother/sister dates. I know my Grandmother prayed for me and Jaime during our time apart. She's the ultimate prayer warrior. Sometimes I would go to her house and just soak in all her encouragement and wisdom. All my family would ask about Jaime and what he was doing. It always meant a lot when they asked about us and him.
3. Church Family- Always asking, praying, encouraging me through the time we were apart! I appreciate all of them and am so thankful to have them.
4. Friends-High school friends, college friends, and co-workers--All of them have been a big part of keeping me smiling and encouraged through Jaime and I's time apart. Anywhere from gifts, text messages of encouragement, date nights, sleep overs, camping, prayers, etc. They were such a blessing!

Here is my advice to any girlfriend, fianće, or wife who is getting ready to embark on this military lifestyle, going through long distance for the first time, or facing a deployment.

• Stay busy! Like as busy as possible! Even when you stop to catch your breath, you're always going to think of them. But I can tell you from experience, if you don't have something planned everyday, it will DRAG by. This second deployment I worked full time, spent 1-2 hours in the gym several times a week, meal prepped, trained for my first marathon, spent as much family time as possible, and always had the next weekend planned for something fun or different. You have to stay busy or you will wallow in self pity for the amount of time they are gone.
• Choose positive and encouraging friends to hang out with! I want to befriend everyone I meet. But that does not mean I should spend precious time with everyone I know. If they don't encourage you, if they are 'debbie-downers', if they don't support you--you don't want to waste time with them. I know everyone can't be happy and positive all the time. But a good friend won't focus on themselves and tell you all their problems when you are the one needing encouragement. 

        When you put a fresh fruit in with a basket of moldy fruit, that fresh fruit won't turn all the    moldy ones fresh, it's always the other way around. 

• Read your Bible daily! Grow closer to Jesus during this time. Eventually you won't have all this free time to your self. This is the perfect time to build an even stronger relationship with Jesus. What better time to get to know your Saviour?! He will help you get through the rough days that are to come! He always came through for me.
• Just remember: This is only a small chapter in your life. These days will not last forever. You will get that homecoming! All the heartache of having your soulmate on the other side of the world will come to an end. I reminded myself countless times, this too shall pass!
• Focus on the positives! Less shaving! More room in the bed! Less body heat in the bed (thats a favorite for me, haha!) Less food to cook! Smaller grocery bill! Focus on your health! Eat cereal for dinner! New Homecoming outfit! 
• Make a goal list while he's gone. Do you have credit card debt, a lein on your vehicle, or are saving for a trip after deployement? You can make it a challenge to pay things off, save for trips, or build up your savings account!
• Does your house need decorating? Just got married? Just PCS to a new state? Make one room a project for a month or so till it's complete. It's fun and your husband will love to see what you've done with the house! Who wouldn't want to come home to a well decorated house?
• Make care packages! Not only does it give you something to plan and have fun putting together, but it means so much to the guy your sending it to! Up until this last deployment, I was mainly the only one who sent Jaime packages. Whether he was in Okinawa or deployed, he would get so excited when I sent him anything! If you've never been away from home, you don't know what joy a package with little pieces of home can bring you!

Second birthday spent in Afghanistan and my favorite package I've ever made him.

If you have any questions or need more advice, please do not hesitate to email me! 

No question is too silly! I promise! My email is faithnallthings{at}yahoo{dot}com! 

I love helping and encouraging you girls! We are in this together!