First Fertility Specialist Appointment

On our way!

I wanted to do a 'quick' update with how our appointment went. I know we have a lot of prayer warriors that have been praying for this appointment and I'm so thankful that you were/are! Because of your alls prayers, I think our appointment went really smoothly. We had a doctor who was very knowledgable, had a calm demeanor, and went into detail about our plan to tackle this.

Snapchat pic! (faithannpatters)

I didn't know what to expect for our first appointment. I didn't know if they were going to do a HSG today. I didn't know if we were going to have lab tests done or if Jaime would have to have any tests done since they highly suggested he come with me. There were lots of unknowns but I tried not to be too nervous or worry so much. But it was okay!

We went in and talked to an assistant or nurse (not sure, she just said, Hi! I'm Jennie...haha) to verify all our information in our paperwork. She took my vitals and then left to get the doctor.

He came in and asked me to take breaths and listened with his stethoscope. I then remembered I hadn't got out my Basal Thermometer Temperture charts out from the last 5 months and told them I had them. My back was turned from the doctor when I told him I brought them, Jaime said he looked at him and gave him a thumbs up and gave a cheesey smile. I'm going to take that as he has some humor about him and he liked that I was prepared. haha! Gotta find the good and funny in this somewhere!

Then we left and went to his office to discuss options. He laid out my game plan, went over why's and his logic for his plan. He talked so slow and calmly. But at the same time, I felt like it went by so fast, I couldn't grasp it. So I had to ask a lot of questions of things he had just said. haha.

I did not get an HSG done today because I could have clear tubes and still have endometriosis. We may do that test later though. I can also still get pregnant even if I do have it. Which I already knew that because my mom had all four of her children while most likely having Endo. He will look for cysts when I have an ultrasound next week. I go in to do labs to see if I have PCOS in the morning. Jaime will have an analysis done. After our labs come back, they will have a better idea of what is going on with both of us.

I'm going to take Femara and a trigger shot called Ovidrel for the next 3 months/cycles.
Hopefully, I'll get pregnant. Obviously...haha!

I feel pretty good about the game plan. But mostly, I feel nothing. ha! I know that sounds weird but I'm kind of numb to getting too excited. After 11 months of getting my hopes up and being let down over and over again. I think your heart starts to go numb.
And then some days like this past Sunday when I started my period, I was FULL of emotions and felt raw. I basically cried or was on the verge of tears All. Day. Long. I didn't expect that to happen but it was good. I had the house to myself so I cried hard and out loud. I prayed out loud. I cried and poured my heart out to God that day. I hadn't done that before.

You know how people say, "Everything happens for a reason."? But then you don't ever know what the reason is and most of the time you never will.
I think I know why God let me be 10 days late and start my period on Mother's Day.

Because I'm only on Day 5 of my cycle, I can start Femara this cycle and not have to wait until the next one. You can only start this drug in the first 9 days of your cycle! That was a 'God thing' for sure!

Second 'God thing' from today:
The brand name drug Femara is expensive. Like $500 for 10 pills expensive. HolyMoly! The pharmacists called me to tell me that until we meet our deductible, we have to pay out of pocket. Ah! I felt sick to my stomach. She made me feel very aware how expensive it was. I told her I would call the doctor and see if I could try anything less expensive. But they had closed 10 minutes prior. Great! So I called my husband to see what he thought. He said, "come get our insurance debit card and just pay for it." I was glad he was supportive but I knew that price tag was bothering him.

Just a little infertility humor. ;) I only wish that I could have had a "free" baby.

I thought maybe this is just the price we have to pay to have a baby. I know it only gets more expensive from here. Thankfully, we don't go to the doctor often so we've been saving since he started working for Gray. So I drove 25 minutes to get the card and then another 25 back to the pharmacy.

I was standing in line, feeling nausous to have to pay so much. (Oh! The trigger shot costs $157 additionally.) I went up the counter and the cashier pulled out my presciptions and instructions but something was wrong. She talked to a couple different pharmacists. I could hear them talking "She's going to like this price much better." I was standing there, anxious to know what was the matter. She came back and said this is the generic: Letrozole, it only costs $15. WHAT??
Talk about a huge blessing and relief! I talked to the pharamacists who reassured me that it has the same chemicals and strength. It's just generic! She made me feel better but I plan on calling the doctor to make sure it's okay. I'm praying that it is.

But wow!
God really took care of us today. He provided and watched over us just like He promises He will. I type that with tears in my eyes because I'm just so thankful. God has been so good to us.
He will be with us every step of the way.

So, thank you all for praying for us and this appointment. I don't know that I'll blog or post about every appointment, but this first one was worthy of it.

You may want to pray for Jaime because the side affects of Letrozole for me aren't pretty: hot flashes (I'm a furnace when I sleep already), hair loss (I'm surprised I'm not bald anyways), unusual sweating (I already sweat like a man), dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, joint pain, etc.

Regardless, Baby Patterson will be so worth it.

In The Meantime

So, it's out there. I've told the world. We are trying to have a baby. We have been for going on 10 months. Ten months of our lives have revolved around praying, crying, begging, pleading, questioning, reasoning, wondering, researching, and now we're starting the journey to get medical help. I'm not sorry that I shared publicly. I've gotten to talk to so many women who have been and are going through infertility. 

I know my struggle, trial, and pain is worth it because I'm getting to help and be there for other women like me.

We're just kind of stuck in the "meantime" of this part of our lives. There's only so much we can do. Only God can give you a baby and it's in His timing. Anything extra we do beyond praying, is for our peace of mind, to know that we tried this and that. It's hard to accept that we can't make this baby on our own. 

But God can. 

And so, while I wait, I've listened to some really good podcasts (thanks to my cousin for telling me about them) on what to do in the meantime. 

Why is God answering their prayers but not mine, at least not yet. 

What do you do when there is nothing you can do?

Andy Stanley started this six part series called: "In The Meantime"

(Click the links to listen to each one.)

1. The New Normal - God's silence does not equate to his absence.

2. A Purpose and a Promise - If you believe God can change your circumstances but chooses not to, you have the option to receive those circumstances from him as a gift with a purpose and a promise: grace. If that sounds absurd, remember your salvation and the salvation of the world, hung in the balance of a similar decision made by your Savior the night before his crucifixion.

 3. Yes You Can - We all face circumstances that stir deep discontentment within us. But when it’s happening to you, you feel like you’re the only one who faces loss. The secret of contentment is Christ in you, empowering you. Think about your primary source of discontentment. You can’t. He can . . . and he will through you.

 4. Where's Your Focus - When you focus on what’s wrong, you lose sight of what God makes right. There’s something important you have to keep in mind: your idea of making something right may not be God’s idea of making something right. When you realize and accept this truth, it changes everything.

 5. Believe It Or Not - Because God can redeem, use, or work through the undeserved, unavoidable, circumstantial trials in our lives. But in order for that to happen, we have to believe and persevere.

6. Comfort Zone - People who’ve suffered are uniquely equipped and qualified to comfort people who are suffering. 

For even easier access, you can find this series in the podcast app on your iPhone, search: Your Move-Andy Stanley. Then you can play them in your car on your commute like I did. If you're going through this time in your life, give yourself 5 min to pull yourself together before you go into work after listening to these because I cried several times. They are just so good.

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Update: We have an appointment May 12th with a fertility specialist to do or plan to do an HSG. A hysterosalpingogram or HSG is an x-ray procedure used to see whether the fallopian tubes are patent (open) and if the inside of the uterus (uterine cavity) is normal. HSG is an outpatient procedure that usually takes less than 5 minutes to perform. Once we do that, we will move on from there. I'm taking Metformin in the meantime to make sure that I'm ovulating regularly. Thankfully, it hasn't made me sick or have any side effects. But I think it did mess up my cycle so we'll see how long I'll keep taking it.

I have a long list of couples I've been praying for and although I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it has been so comforting to know I'm not alone. 

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me and shared your story!

Hope you all find these podcasts encouraging! I know I did and still do. Have a great Wednesday!